Every Day is New

So much has happened. I feel like a different person than the person that blogged previously. It's still me, it's still our family, but something has changed. John and I have a year of college under our belts now. We have a new daughter as of June 4, 2011. We have a new reassurance in Christ. And me, well, my reason for living has been renewed. I've come through a dark time and it was scary. I've lived to tell about it and hopefully I've gained compassion because before I could not relate to other people at all concerning depression.

June is a wonderful month for us. It's almost like the beginning of the year. We were married on June 2, 1990. Adam was born on June 23. Jani was adopted on June 6, Jace and Jovi were adopted June 2, and Juli was adopted on June 4. We have many other special dates in June, but for our immediate family, this is when it grows bigger. See the pattern? While I'm glad it's June, I dread it too.

We've already broken several records for heat this month. The heat makes me want to go far, far away from the Austin area. It's unbearable. Besides John's job, the only thing that keeps us here is our friends. I know we could and will make new friends, but man, we all love our friends. It's so nice to be able to just go sit in their presence and chat sometimes. For Adam, I'm sure it's a great escape from The Littles. But still, the mountain views, cooler air, trees, 4 seasons...all of that still beckons to me almost everyday. I often wonder what God's plan is for us. Why aren't we there? Has the place for us not come available yet? Is there something here we haven't done yet? Maybe we have more children on the way...I always said I wanted to adopt them while we lived here since we were both born and married here. Maybe there is another reason though?

My dear friend, Juannell, told me something this week that I had never thought of before. I shared with her my decision from Sunday 6-5-11 to not go back to school. In her email back to me she told me "Isn't it interesting that when we come to a crossroad, we only know the outcome of the path we take.  We never know what would have happened on the path we didn't take."  Those words have just stood out to me. I've never thought much about what would have happened if I had made the other choice, except for that guy I didn't marry. I've wondered about him. But that's another story that won't be told. So anyway, about this path not traveled, it made me think about how my heart is turned towards my children. The Bible says in Malachi 4:5-6 says, "Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the LORD: And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse." I've taken this a bit out of context, but how much more can I give my children, how much more can I pour into them, when my heart is turned toward them? If my heart is turned toward school, even though it's something I enjoy, how can my heart be fully turned toward my children? When I examine the reason that I am in school right now (at age 41) I realize that I am only there because of fear...right? The reason I went to school is not because I desire to work full time right now or even part time. I am there because I think 'what if something happened to John, how would I support us'. Instead, I've realized this week I need to let that thought go. Because the truth is, as the daughter of the King with an endless supply of wisdom, money, and anything else I could possibly need, I cannot say "my trust is in Jesus" if I don't trust him to take care of our future. Because really, I don't know what the future will bring. But I know what the path I've chosen to travel will bring.

it's good

Today we had a doctor's appointment for Jovi and we were able to pick John up from work and take him with us. It was an appointment filled with great news for Jovi and something rather interesting news for Jace thrown in on the side for free. The doctor sent us to have Jovi's lead level tested, something I've not done with any of The Littles; I just didn't think of it. So 2 painful digging sticks later we were out of the lab, stickers firmly in hand. John had already taken the other 3 down to the van.

Afterwards we needed to stop and feed the kids because well, it was after lunch (about 1:30) and because we still had a long drive home. After our food came we sat there swapping bites of this and that, 'here taste this', 'oh this is really good', 'mmm you have to try this'. All 6 of us. I leaned back and looked at the 5 faces that surrounded me. This is what it's about. Everyone was smiling, sharing their food, and enjoying each other's company. Even the little guys were in on the food swap. It made me choke up with tears, with pride. THIS is my family. Not the one I chose, but the one that God chose for me.

it's all good, all of it

Because if you didn't have some bad, would you know when you were in the good? If you didn't have some trials, would you know when to celebrate?

I've been working on the school room so that we can really get started. You don't think it could be that bad, do you? Well, you haven't seen it. =) Something every homeschooling mom I know of goes through, cleaning off your bookshelves because you know you have more coming in.

So while I was working on that, John took the kids outside to play. We finally have some coolor weather in the evening. By cooler I mean in the mid 80s. I looked out the window to see a beautiful site. So what does a mom do but grab a camera and head out.

Yep, life is good.

today, I was the windshield

My job today was to stop everything, to keep balls from flying, kids from lying, food from dropping, milk from spilling, poop from leaking, cats from peeing, laundry from stinking, food from wasting, kids from tattling, I'm sure I could think of more. But you get the idea, right? It was one of those days. It ended early....bedtime came around just after dinner.

things I'm learning

1. I know why many of the moms I know are always busier than I am, they are constantly having to plan the next meal.
2. I know why many of the moms I know never have much time to talk on the phone, they are constantly having to referee quarrels.
3. I know why many of the moms I know never have much time to talk when the kids are asleep, that is the only time they have to just sit down and be quiet or to spend just sitting next to their husband, or to (gulp) do some actual housework!!!
And I love it, I really do. Because the house may be dirty, stuff may pile up, but, the kids are playing and they are fed. It's the basics, but at least it's getting accomplished!
Jeri

a day of wonder

I woke us all up just before 10am. Yep, I only let everyone sleep 5 hours. No time like the present to get our bodies adjusted. We didn't do much for the day. Sorted laundry, washed (man, were our clothes stinky from Taiwan!!) and put them away. We went to Walmart to get some bottles for the boys. Even though Jace said to the hotel staff he doesn't take a bottle, I think he might. We had them in the stroller for the Walmart trip and Adam gave them thrill rides the entire time. We also decided to color code the bottles and sippy cups, think it might make life a tad bit easier. Maybe.
I really don't remember much of Saturday. Jace whined a lot, mostly about not getting to eat what he wanted when he wanted. Oh yeah, when we woke up, no Jace in the bedroom. At some point he brought himself downstairs and wondered around doing who knows what. Scary! So our trip also scored us one of those door knob thingies where you have to squeeze it in order to turn the door handle. Very exciting stuff around here I know.
I'm not finding it overwhelming with 4 kids. Maybe having our exchange students here prepared me some. But it isn't a big deal to have 4. Not yet anyway. The laundry so far isn't cumbersome. So far. The dishes, not so bad, though Adam didn't do them the entire time we were gone so that was something to gag our way thru! Blech!
At least we had no planes to catch and no appointments today!

Sunday Sunday

Yep, I still have my silly hat on, which I think really means I must surely still be sleep deprived. I'll recap the last 48 hours, approximately, because I really don't know how much time it's been.

We about froze our butts off waiting in LAX once we got to our gate. I mean it was freezing! We were shivering. See, we don't wear jackets in the summer. Sure a lot of other people do, and then there are those that know to bring jackets, but seeing as how we live in Texas where our cold weather last from November (maybe, but sometimes we're still wearing shorts at Christmas) thru March (again maybe, this year we had 90+ temps in Feb) jackets just aren't in our nature. So we froze. And shivered. An shook. And did the bob and weave because according to our bodies it was coming up on 3:30am and shouldn't we be in bed about then?

I think we started boarding our plane about 1:10am pst, we settled in very quickly and promptly went to sleep. I think I stayed awake thru take off, but I think John crashed before then. It should also be noted that we were both still sick from earlier in the week. I had a meeting with the bowl in the bathroom in the morning before we left, and also shortly after take off from Texas to California. Or rather that meeting involved a bag. It's this drainage, it's killing me! Hey J, I can hear you now saying "girl, it's the air, I'm telling ya" as I smile and nod my head. It's all allergies though. Same with John now. We did take some dramamine thinking it might help our stomachs and I think it did. A little bit.

Anyway, on to the plane. I have to say, as I said to John, I think I like China Southern's premium economy better. EVA has newer seats and newer equipment (took us forever to figure out how to work the movie thing). CS has wider seats, more leg room between you and the seat in front of you, more offerings of food, and staff checking on you. Besides offering drinks 2x, and the 1 meal we were awake for, we never saw the staff on EVA. It was kind of weird, you know? Don't get me wrong, we would still fly EVA again, and would definitely choose the deluxe again (if nothing else than for the shorter wait lines you get to stand in!), I'm just noting some differences. Because I realized that should we still feel icky when we fly back on Friday, Jovi's going to be sitting somewhere on us, not in a separate seat, which reduces the amount of space we have. See? A mom thinks about these things.

I think our plane was supposed to get in at 6:40am (but I could be thinking about when we leave on Friday). We got in at 6am, very nice smooth flight. It was exciting as we watched the screen the last hour, and then thru all the clouds we started seeing some land. My emotions flew as they always do when we approach the country to adopt. I choke up, I cry, because I know that me being here means something so incredibly life changing for someone else. Adopting from China I knew that Jani needed us, without us her life would not be a good one. But for the boys I feel differently. Don't get me wrong, they need us and we need them. But Taiwan isn't China. If it weren't me it would be someone else. These boys are fed (seriously, have you seen Jovi's pictures?) and clothed, and not put 3 to a crib with a straw mat and standing in pee. You know? It's just different. But no less, it still makes me sad to take them from their home country. I was wondering as we were still approaching, would I have these same feelings if I was adopting from in the US? I think I would, except maybe instead of their country, it would be from their surroundings, the sights they would have seen growing up, the slang that their area uses. Little things like that. The things that turn us into the adults we grow to be. So I'm here, we're here, but my heart is sad for Jace and Jovi's loss too.

We followed what Laura said as best as I could remember it. When we got off we went to Immigration, but noticed that NO ONE was at the bank booth to exchange money. Of course mostly everyone was Taiwanese except for the 60 people in the non-citizen lines. We traded our crisp new 100s for some bigger 1000s. Yeah, don't we wish we could all do that! Oh, and speaking of trading, do not trade in LAX!!! We got just over $30 to $1 here, and in LAX it was $27 to $1 I believe, maybe $26. Bad rate. Oh, anyone coming over soon, I bought some NT off of my sweet friend S prior to coming, and promptly lost/left the envelope at home. So for $40, anyone want to buy $1200NT?

We breezed thru, husband and wife or family can walk up together. Then finding our bags, which was super easy, the carts are free (I refused to pay $3 at LAX and we finally found 1 someone had left), but here's what we didn't see. Where do you go afterwards? We could not see any signs as we stood there looking around. We asked one of the airport staff and they pointed to this really big yellow sign that we honestly couldn't see. It's in between the luggage carousels, not at either end of the luggage room. We get thru there, customs just smiled and said welcome (in China they scanned our luggage, or maybe that was when we got back to the US?) and then we rounded the corner to see about 50 drivers waiting for people. And low and behold there was Danny holding the sign with our name on it. I pointed at him while we were a good distance still and he pointed to himself and nodded and I gave a smile and a nod, and away we went. We rode in a black Mercedes. I must say that's the first time I've ever been in one, and we were in the backseat and I was worried about barfing from the motion. Not the case. I swear that was the most comfortable, quietest, smoothest car ride I've ever had.

Danny told us it would be about an hour ride, but it was only 30min. Of course this is in Sunday morning traffic, which I must say I was surprised there was traffic. While we rode, I looked and noticed that this does look like China buildings, but it doesn't. It does not seem as cramped and frantic as China. You can cross the street safely, though John was quite hilarious about crossing because he would almost run it seemed. I told him to relax, it isn't China. Or at least the TianMu area isn't China!

Ok, so to me, here's the coolest part of our day. As we turned right on the main street by the hotel, I found myself feeling like I was back in a place where I belonged, familiar ground. My 3rd trip to Asia. The sights, the sounds, the smell of fumes even, all so comforting. I've seen so many little girls just chattering away in Chinese, and I can't help but think how wonderful that would be for Jani. That I could be looking at her little face and hearing and understanding Chinese coming from her darling mouth. So then we happened upon this bakery place, and I wondered if it was where S told me about. No, it's more of a deli, but as we're standing inside looking around this American lady turns and says hello. Turns out she's actually from Toronto (but she didn't have an accent?) and they've lived here for 10 years with her husband's job. They love it here, she had her 3rd child here, her kids go to 3 different schools (only 1 is at the American school) and she said they can't imagine living anywhere else. She said she's met a lot families that work at Dell, we didn't even know they had an office here. We talk maybe 5 minutes and then leave to head on to the Wellcome store. We see the American school, cross the driveway and then someone honks their horn. That's another thing here, no one honks much at all. We turn around and I see my friend Liz with her hand out her car window waving at us and hollering my name. What are the odds she finds me walking down the street in Taipei! Well, she does live in the TianMu district, her kids all go to school at the Am school, and as it turns out, they have church there too. We got to talk with her for a few minutes, I realized her husband works for Dell, and that's how they are here. They've been here 3 years so far and just signed on for their 4th year. They leave on Friday to go back home for the summer. Just realized she probably will be on the same flight as us as well.

Our room (ok breaking news here, we just had a 6.0 earthquake centered in Taipei that hit at 12:59am!!!) (getting back to blogging about 30 minutes later.) is not as large as we hoped, but nice enough. We've stocked our fridge with water, bought some soup bowls of noodles to make here in the room.

Oh after we went to the Wellcome market (which I couldn't tell if it was me since my balance seems to be off a little, or if it was the store, but it seemed really slanted in there) we walked down another street and stumbled across Fangs. We were hungry as we really hadn't eaten much more than a roll since LAX. We ordered fried rice w/chicken and fried rice w/shrimp. John also ordered tangerine pork riblets, not good, not bad tasting, just lots of fat and small bones that make you think you're breaking your teeth. The rice was wonderful though and felt so good to our stomachs. Sadly, we've forgotten to eat the rest of it and left it out on the table. I'm thinking it needs to go to the garbage now.

I think that's most everything from Sunday. We came back to our room and worked on putting the gifts together and trying to stay awake. Then we repacked our backpacks so we would be ready for the boys: diapers, wipes, sippy cups, spoons, disp bibs, disp placemats. I think we're ready. Bob and Weave came back to pay us a visit. It was funny trying to keep John awake. He's still up and it's now 2:15, but he's watching a movie. No more movement in the last hour. That's a good thing.

I just realized it's officially Monday, June 2nd. Happy 18th anniversary to us. It's hard to believe 18 years have gone by. He's still as handsome as he was then. =) Ok, I'm off, time to post this, and get back to sleep.

Adam and Jani, we miss you terribly. Terribly terribly. But we know it's easier on you both staying there. And Rich, if we did move to Taiwan, you'd have to come with us. You just would. =) Though I doubt you will, especially since they have earthquakes here! Something us Texans are not used to!
Jeri

I want to cry

You know how sometimes you just need to get it out? I'm having one of those times. It started yesterday. Of course a good chunk of this emotion is probably due to getting THE call. Well, the 2nd THE call. It's been such a long journey full of first for FEC and full of first for even CY. I just can't believe it's here, it's time.

I want to cry because I'm so sad for the families sitting with agencies that only work with CY. As they struggle with understanding how the new rules impact them; if their agency is telling them the truth; as they think surely their agency is telling them the truth though because they did their homework and really had faith they were choosig the best agency; as some of them grapple with the fact that they might not be able to adopt in Taiwan anymore; or at least not thru their agency. It's a tough thing to confront. And my heart is sad. Because this even effects us as we were hoping to adopt again, still looking for that 2nd beautiful daughter.

I want to cry over the cost of travel. I'm flipping out over finding a room for a family of 6. =) I smile because MY family will really be at 6 now. We have a quote from one hotel, 16 nights for $4170. That is a 2bedroom suite that includes breakfast. Ugh, it makes me sick. If it included airfare then it would be a steal. But honestly! So where do I find that wonderful place that will hold us all and not break us, nor cost the same as the airfare?

I want to cry because I know the world for Jace and Jovi is about to flip over. Please pray with us that God will intervene for them. To have it go as smoothly as Jani's did would be a miracle. We prayed for God to send our faces and voices to her in her dreams so that when she met us she wouldn't be afraid. And she wasn't. The boys have great photo albums that we sent over that were supposed to have been read to them often, maybe daily. But who knows if that's happened. So please pray that we are a welcome site to them. That they have no fear. But my heart breaks for them regardless. They will leave behind the language and the smells they know.

I want to cry because I know where they are going. Home. To a foreign land full of allergies, but hopefully cleaner air (thinking of you JR!). But most importantly to a family that has waited patiently (we think!), to a brother that can't wait to play with them, to a sister that wants to play kitchen with them and let them sleep in her bed, to a daddy that can't wait to have his very own baby legs to squeeze, and to a mommy whose heart will most likely explode and whose eyes seemed to turn into water faucets if she thinks about it all too long.

So cry with me. Oh, I just remembered Sunday is Mother's Day. Do the gifts get any better than holding a child in your arms? Does it get any sweeter?